The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
