Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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