I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
