Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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