ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
