So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
