If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You took a bar mat shot.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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