there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm at about main and main street
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
