we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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