not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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