spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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