i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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