last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
