I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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