So drunk its hurt
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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