You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize