Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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