Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
There r osticjed everywhere
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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