Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you would pick up someone in the library
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
