I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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