The maid of honor just puked.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
