My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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