I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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