i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
