She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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