You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
