Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
