Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Randomize
