your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think your dad took our porno
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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