The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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