I must be too annoying 4 u.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
