too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
foreskin is a definite game changer
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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