do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
