Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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