Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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