1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
