everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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