It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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