You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
