I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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