you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
