its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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