I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
