Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
