You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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