life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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