i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
