she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My ass is underappreciated
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize