If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
