broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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