I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
