i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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