Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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