So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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