At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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