absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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