none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think I just sharted jello shots
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
