I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
