Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
