Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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