After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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