How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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