Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
