Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
