It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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