Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
