Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
