I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
