Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You can't motorboat a personality
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
