don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
