I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize