Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
