Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
