this beer tastes like vomit already
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
