Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
