we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
