I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
