We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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