if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
