pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
