just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
