just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
