Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
