Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
