Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
