definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
