he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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