I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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