He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
And then my night got REAL pukey
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
