You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
