I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
