I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
