She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
