wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
