go do what you do best...puke behind churches
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize