Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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