just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
