omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
