Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
