she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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