Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
