Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
