God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
