I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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