my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
