I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
